When I was a kid, my mom threw an epic surprise party for my dad. This was an easy task, because my dad forgets his own birthday every year. Mom invited all his friends and baked a beautiful cake. And my dad was indeed surprised to find out it was his birthday. 

There was just one tiiiiiiny problem. It happened at the exact moment that dad arrived home and came into view. You know that crucial moment, when everyone is completely silent, hearts racing, crouched in anticipation, waiting to yell “SURPRISE!” Well, our family dog, Rosie, took this moment to stand up at the table and start eating the freshly baked cake right off the platter. It was like she knew that everyone would be frozen for the next 10 seconds, unable to stop her from stuffing her face. Horrified and helpless, we all kept one eyeball on the front door, and the other on Rosie, having her way with poor mom’s cake. Longest 10 seconds ever.

Remembering this story always makes me laugh (sorry, mom). It also got me thinking of all the ways a pet can get in trouble during the holidays. Your dog will be overwhelmed with all the new energy, table scraps to sneak, and crotches to sniff. If you want your dog on their best behavior, take a proactive approach. Here are my top 5 tips to keep your dog from cramping your holiday style:

1. Wear them out. You can throw a tennis ball around in the yard or take them for a long walk or a run. If you don’t have time, it is worth hiring a dog walker or dog runner, but you can save money by letting kids or family members help out. Every year, my dad goes on a Christmas Day run with the dogs:
2. Go ahead and waste your breath instruct your family not to feed your dog table scraps. Knock yourself out. But those sad puppy-dog eyes are probably gonna win some goodies under the table. Instead of being a grinch, educate your guests about the food safety for dogs to make sure they don’t feed anything harmful, like cooked bones (raw ones are okay).
3. Those seasonal decorations could get your pets in trouble. A whole STRING of lights to chew on? Check. Shiny wrapped boxes to devour? Don’t mind if I do! Be especially careful of poinsettias, holly, and mistletoe, which are toxic to pets. Lit candles at wagging-tail level are an emergency-vet visit waiting to happen. Also, use a screen around the fireplace to protect fur from popping embers.
4. Introduce new people carefully. Your dog might be overwhelmed with all the high-energy excitement if your house is overrun with new people, especially children. If Fido seems skittish or fearful, make it a priority to introduce each new person in the house to your dog. This will help prevent any anxious reactions or warning bites. Make sure all the kids know how to approach and interact with your dog.
5. If you just want your dog happily out of the way, keep their mind occupied. Frozen marrow bones are my favorite choice. They are delicious and take a while to finish (put them in the microwave for 10 seconds first to keep them frozen while giving off that yummy meat smell). Filling a Kong with peanut butter or liver paste works too. Some puzzle toys even come with adjustable difficulty levels to keep you in control.

So remember, being a perfect host(ess) is nice, but some of my fondest family memories are times when shit hit the fan. So when your dog tracks mud inside, pees on the tree, or proudly brings you a used tampon he found in the bathroom trash (yes these have all happened to me), laugh it off and know that you are making memories. I don’t think I’d still be talking about my dad’s birthday cake from 20 years ago if I had eaten it myself. 

 ***IMPORTANT! *** Please remember that pets are not gifts. They are a 10-15 year commitment of energy, time, and thousands of dollars per year. 59% of pets given as gifts end up as shelter pets. Choosing a pet is a personal decision, and you can’t make this decision for someone else. Instead, take your intended recipient to a shelter to choose their own pet and make their own commitment. If you're still not convinced, please allow Sarah Mclachlan to ruin your day. kthxbye.

Leave a comment if you have any more tips or holiday lessons learned the hard way?